An empty place

my mom and her parents. circa 1950

Letter from my mom, March 1990, after her mom died:  

Dear Sweet Son,

 How is my baby son doing?

Today I'm doing pretty well, but yesterday was a hard day for me. 

At times I have such overwhelming feelings of grief. I think about Mom several times a day - things I want to say to her or write to her and I realize I'll never see her or talk to her again - it's like a stabbing pain in my heart. Tears run down my cheeks and I feel so alone - so full of grief and loss I can hardly bear it. I think of things I should have asked her, things about her childhood... why didn't I?

I know it will get better in time, but it hurts so much right now.

It's a very lonely feeling losing a parent - a part of you is gone. There is an empty place, an ache in your heart that will never really go away. I loved my Mother so very much - she was a gentle sweet lady.

I need your love very much right now - I love you Steve.

Love,
Mom